The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
