I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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