Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize