I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize