He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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