I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
