i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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