That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
