i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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