I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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