i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
