paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I cut my penus on the lid.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
