I can text with my tongue
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
