But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
