$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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