So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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