Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize