check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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