the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think people are normalizing furries
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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