I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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