She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
