i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
