Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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