Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize