Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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