**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
