Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
