life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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