hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I still have a little drunk in my system
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
