You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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