So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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