my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
