If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All I want is dick and wine.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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