When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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