Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm really busy with my period
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