When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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