I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We don't watch enough power rangers
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
