I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
