"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
