Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
