Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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