Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
