you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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