i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
