I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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