I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so explain again why im purple
no
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize