**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Still dying that you shit outside
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
