walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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