he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
