We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize