dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
