I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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