Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
