I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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