sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
