How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
