Kiss
Puke
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
