You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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