tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
