Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
