I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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