**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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