dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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