Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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