Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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