Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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