happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
