umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
