I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
