Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
