Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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