My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
