the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
