I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
