Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
