if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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