If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
