"it" just moved
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
