You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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