what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
