You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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