omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
