So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
